I COULD BE PRESIDENT

Some days ago, my Facebook profile read ‘I could be President’. I was not merely pulling legs or trying to get funny. I actually meant what I wrote. I tried to get into people’s minds, especially those that are my Facebook friends, and of course everyone who must have seen that post. I know quite a number of them would just hiss and scroll down the page.
In the real sense of the word, I could be the President of Nigeria come May 29. Get honest with me, when you read that status update, what exactly was on your mind? Did you not think this guy that has an exaggerated impression of himself has started again?
I know some folks would say to themselves that I make a fool of myself while thinking I am funny. Let it be known to them that I am not trying to be funny; I know I could be President. What have they all got that I haven’t? Someone says cash, maybe, maybe not; I just know I could be Nigeria’s number one citizen, my wife could be the first lady, my family could be the first family and everything about me could be first.
I just did not sleep and wake up one morning to start fantasizing about being President Seye Babalola. I actually have taken a keen interest in the way things are going in my country this election year. I have decided to stop the apathy that has characterized many of our democratic adventures by the citizens of this great country (once was and will again be).
Prior to the various party primaries in mid-January, newspaper spaces were taken up by adverts from different aspirants, as they were called then. Messrs Atiku Abubakar and Goodluck Jonathan were the major ones in the much-maligned Peoples Democratic Party, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu and Attahiru Bafarawa were the major contenders in Action Congress of Nigeria while the others had no, one or two aspirants of their own.
In all their campaign advertorials, I found not one issue worth mentioning. It was adverts upon adverts by one fictitious group or the other. Senile old men allowed themselves to be used while the ones who were supposed to be vibrant, intelligent young ones were not left out. Different women groups queued behind their benefactors (mostly in cash) and rolled out adverts paid for with state funds or stolen cash as the case may be.
I would actually spare the aspirants of other parties and face the two men who fought ugly in the PDP which has earned new names two of which are Power Drunk Party and according to Atiku in 2006, Poverty Development Party. Both GEJ and Atiku left issues and started campaigning based on zoning, indictments and other petty issues.
One newspaper put it that they fought dirty and ugly. I put it that they fought stupid and senseless. If the campaign points of Atiku and Jonathan are worth what would make one the President of Nigeria, now tell me why I cannot be President. I’ve got ideas, I’ve got what it takes. I may be wrong, and you may even knock me, but I think I’m even more sensible than they both were at the height of their power struggle.
Ask Goody J, sorry I mean GEJ, what he actually has to offer us all. I would not mention Mr. Atiku because I know his head is as blank as the word itself. He only wanted to be President so that it would be said that Atiku Abubakar was President, inordinate ambition and all that. My sympathy used to lie with Jonathan but of recent, I don’t see why I should vote for him or any one yet.
I’ve simply not seen any manifesto that impresses me enough to vote for anybody as my President. If all what they use as campaign points, their 7-point agendas and their 77-point addenda, is what we’ve been hearing since my primary school days, tell me why I cannot be President. Mr. Jonathan has the sympathy of people because of the way he was treated prior to his ascendancy. He has the sympathy of youths because they see him as one of them (at 53 years of age).
GEJ has it all going for him – people, incumbency and a whole lot of other factors. It is his chance to make history. One of my friends will quote “History will be kind to me, for I intend to be good to her”. Will GEJ be good to history? It’s his call.
For now, if all we have been hearing is what they have all got to offer, I am sorry; my cousin’s one year old son could even be President because I am too qualified. I’m outta here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA!!!

Now this is for my Mum. The one who as my people will say, poured blood on my head some years ago. I’ve been counting the hours to this wonderful day since we shouted ‘Happy New Year’ on the 1st day of this year.
Momma is first in quite a lot of ways. Her birthday is the first in the family every year and she of course is the first girlfriend I have. Add that to the fact that she is the first and the only wife my Dad has and you see why I am so effusive in praising her.
I remember in one of my status updates on Facebook in 2009 that I wrote “Comparing my wife with my Mum would be purely suicidal”. I knew perfectly what I was getting myself into. I knew it was bound to provoke some reactions, and that it did.
Mum would not get tired. No she would clean and pack, pack and clean. Put things in order. What have I told you about this sweet lady of 50-something. She tries her best to make people happy, even if that infringes on her own happiness.
I’ve thought of a way to celebrate my Mum today. I have come up with the perfect way to do that-let blogosphere join me in wishing Momma a very great birthday. She is a gift to humanity, a blessing to womanhood and a perfect example to motherhood.
At the risk of sounding immodest about my Mum, she is simply exemplary. Do I even have to be modest about her? I don’t think so because if I fail to blow her trumpet, who will do? The things I have seen her do have put me in good stead in tackling some issues.
I’ve had cause to test the waters, asking one or two folks about her. I understand her weaknesses and excesses and I try really well to help her overcome them but what i heard from these people was enough to discourage me from continuing with that. At least, everyone has their weaknesses.
Which of you can cook like me? She never ever formally forced me to come into the kitchen to learn but I did not realize I had picked a few tips in cooking until I got to the boarding house sometimes in the mid-90s and I had to cook rice for one of my numerous seniors back then. The guy, son of the popular Eruobodo, Chief Busari Adelakun, made me his regular cook.
I did not know I was the perfect cook until I went to the university and I had to make my meals. My roommate thought he had monopoly of culinary skills until I showed him ‘what my Mama taught me’. He actually abandoned the cooking for me to do because he had a feel of Mum in my meals.
I got to far away Taraba state in Northern Nigeria and my culinary endeavors endeared lots of people to me. I just had to cook even when I did not want to. Who taught me how to do this? Momma of course. I remember one of my friends back then in Takum, the town where I served, saying I may have to marry his Mum or he would have to marry mine to ensure that he had great meals.
I ain’t all about food. You can imagine having all sons, no daughters and trying your best to mould them into food things. I remember her doing my laundries while I was in high school. I will never forget the pride with which I always walked to the rostrum at the end of session party while in Oritamefa Baptist Nursery and Primary School to receive the prize for the ‘Neatest Boy’ while in Primaries 3,4 and 5.
Momma is the classical example of the African woman – the daughter (to her parents), the wife, the mother, the friend, the daughter-in-law, the sister-in-law I can remember. I really am proud of her, and so is ’Yinka and ’Nifemi. I cannot imagine having another.
I perfectly remember late 2007 and early 2008 when she was on crutches occasioned by a fractured ankle in a domestic accident. Momma still got up after some weeks and with the P.O.P on her leg was walking around the house to make things tick. She would enter the kitchen and cook. She would still manage to join me in the poultry, supervising and looking on.
I was brought up to appreciate people and the one I have to appreciate today is the one who taught me all of that. My mother is never tired, she works her fingers to the bones and is the first to get up in the morning. She is never ashamed to get dirty and does not care even if you hurt her, she’ll be right there for you again.
I’m grateful to the Almighty that I am celebrating her alive. I am thankful to God that I am writing this for her to see while she lives many more years to carry children that will be borne by me and my sibs. It is a real pleasure having you as my MOTHER.
I might never have told you this Mum – I am happy to celebrate you today, we are so proud of you. You are a blessing to humanity. I love you, we love you, your excesses, your flaws, your strong points. We appreciate everything about you. The song for you today is Asa’s ‘So Beautiful’ in which she eulogized her Mum.
And so Mrs. Adesola BABALOLA, my Dad’s beauty, my mother, our Maami, our girlfriend, the wife of four of us, like Dad would say, words and writings will never be enough to express our feelings for you. We celebrate you today, eku odun o. Igba odun, odun kan –happy birthday, may you live very long to see many more good years.