I COULD BE PRESIDENT

Some days ago, my Facebook profile read ‘I could be President’. I was not merely pulling legs or trying to get funny. I actually meant what I wrote. I tried to get into people’s minds, especially those that are my Facebook friends, and of course everyone who must have seen that post. I know quite a number of them would just hiss and scroll down the page.
In the real sense of the word, I could be the President of Nigeria come May 29. Get honest with me, when you read that status update, what exactly was on your mind? Did you not think this guy that has an exaggerated impression of himself has started again?
I know some folks would say to themselves that I make a fool of myself while thinking I am funny. Let it be known to them that I am not trying to be funny; I know I could be President. What have they all got that I haven’t? Someone says cash, maybe, maybe not; I just know I could be Nigeria’s number one citizen, my wife could be the first lady, my family could be the first family and everything about me could be first.
I just did not sleep and wake up one morning to start fantasizing about being President Seye Babalola. I actually have taken a keen interest in the way things are going in my country this election year. I have decided to stop the apathy that has characterized many of our democratic adventures by the citizens of this great country (once was and will again be).
Prior to the various party primaries in mid-January, newspaper spaces were taken up by adverts from different aspirants, as they were called then. Messrs Atiku Abubakar and Goodluck Jonathan were the major ones in the much-maligned Peoples Democratic Party, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu and Attahiru Bafarawa were the major contenders in Action Congress of Nigeria while the others had no, one or two aspirants of their own.
In all their campaign advertorials, I found not one issue worth mentioning. It was adverts upon adverts by one fictitious group or the other. Senile old men allowed themselves to be used while the ones who were supposed to be vibrant, intelligent young ones were not left out. Different women groups queued behind their benefactors (mostly in cash) and rolled out adverts paid for with state funds or stolen cash as the case may be.
I would actually spare the aspirants of other parties and face the two men who fought ugly in the PDP which has earned new names two of which are Power Drunk Party and according to Atiku in 2006, Poverty Development Party. Both GEJ and Atiku left issues and started campaigning based on zoning, indictments and other petty issues.
One newspaper put it that they fought dirty and ugly. I put it that they fought stupid and senseless. If the campaign points of Atiku and Jonathan are worth what would make one the President of Nigeria, now tell me why I cannot be President. I’ve got ideas, I’ve got what it takes. I may be wrong, and you may even knock me, but I think I’m even more sensible than they both were at the height of their power struggle.
Ask Goody J, sorry I mean GEJ, what he actually has to offer us all. I would not mention Mr. Atiku because I know his head is as blank as the word itself. He only wanted to be President so that it would be said that Atiku Abubakar was President, inordinate ambition and all that. My sympathy used to lie with Jonathan but of recent, I don’t see why I should vote for him or any one yet.
I’ve simply not seen any manifesto that impresses me enough to vote for anybody as my President. If all what they use as campaign points, their 7-point agendas and their 77-point addenda, is what we’ve been hearing since my primary school days, tell me why I cannot be President. Mr. Jonathan has the sympathy of people because of the way he was treated prior to his ascendancy. He has the sympathy of youths because they see him as one of them (at 53 years of age).
GEJ has it all going for him – people, incumbency and a whole lot of other factors. It is his chance to make history. One of my friends will quote “History will be kind to me, for I intend to be good to her”. Will GEJ be good to history? It’s his call.
For now, if all we have been hearing is what they have all got to offer, I am sorry; my cousin’s one year old son could even be President because I am too qualified. I’m outta here.