PDP SECRETARIAT INFERNO AND IMPLICATIONS

Sometimes later in the week would make it a fortnight that a portion of the National Secretariat of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), Nigeria’s ruling party (and the self-acclaimed largest political party in Africa), went up in flames. It was one of my busy weeks so I could not air my view on the ‘mysterious fire which is under investigation’ (kudos to the Police).

It actually a sight to behold when I saw the stuff on National TV. I just felt blank initially before the funny thoughts started coming over me. They didn’t overcome me though.

Now, if you are religious, you must be having some tingly feelings by now. I actually don’t understand why it should be PDP’s Secretariat that went up in flames and not the National Secretariat of one of those lesser parties that have already been sucked dry by PDP and would have gladly welcomed the inferno as something to hide under for their final collapse.

On second thought however, I remembered the factor of the creator, the one who powers the universe. He has his ways of warning us beforehand of things that may happen if we do or do not take some steps.

I’ve had varying points of view as per that fire incident. I think I should bore you with some of them if you wouldn’t mind.

PDP had that fire incident not because it’s the ruling party in Nigeria or being the most powerful and richest, it could afford rebuilding. It was simply the handwriting on the wall. Need I say that PDP is today the biggest beneficiary of deregulation? That party of course benefited immensely from the deregulation of political parties (from three to almost fifty) in Nigeria as masterminded by Aremu, the Ebora of Owu, while he held sway as Nigeria’s numero uno.

That ‘small’ fire at least gives the umbrella-symbolized party a big chance to upgrade its National Secretariat. At least a Yoruba adage translates as ‘the palace that goes up in flames only ends up regaining its beauty and more’.

PDP have the chance to give their Wadata Plaza Secretariat a face-lift ahead of next year’s general elections. They can show us how they will rebuild a battered and well burnt Nigeria after many years of misrule starting from the very first set of politicians of the pre-independence era, the independence era politicians, the military and they themselves. Let them use Wadata Plaza’s rebuilding as an example of what they can do.

That aside, has anyone thought of the fire as a warning to the Nigerian political class? Those politicians whose talents are not hidden, who put their talent to ominous use in lying and deceiving the ‘gullible, hopeful and trusting’ lot that we citizens of Mama Naija are. That could be it or how does one explain the fire that didn’t gut the Secretariat of one of those regional and hungry political parties but chose to ‘show some skill’ on the biggest of them all?

Some politicians would by now be cursing under their breaths, casting aspersions on me for ranking them regional and hungry, or ever having the audacity to group them with the ‘evil PDP’, a party of thugs and assassins. Help me ask them if they are not all the same or won’t even be worse. Ask them if they’re not being level-headed now because they are not in power. Ask them if they’ll do any better than their fellow ‘bad news’ that is in power.

That fire is a warning; a warning to both the ruling and political class that “Lo and Behold, I am coming and my reward cometh with me, to give unto every man (party and its members) according to his deeds”. Politicians or whatever name you deaf sons of perdition call yourselves, you know where you stand if the fire burns today. From the innermost part of you, you can say how the fire will decorate you, whether it will reward you well or not.

Years back Daddy Showkey; the popular Ghetto Soldier did a song about fire burning all the bad people. As a ruler, where do you stand? Ask yourself honestly; make a very honest assessment of yourself.

That fire might have been telling PDP that their end was near. It could’ve been saying to PDP to take heed and not miss it in 2011. The fire may have come from hell, warning them to sit up or find their Secretariat burnt, their big umbrella (which can contain everyone) and leave their members charred beyond recognition.

I want to see ten members of the ruling party and ten other members of the opposition who would swear by the most effective means, that they’re in it for real, that they’re in it to better the lot of the people.

I stand to be corrected but I don’t see any other party standing up to PDP in the Presidential elections. It is a known fact that some South west parties only endorse other parties’ candidates and some others in the East recycle the same set of old men who have contributed to where we are today flaunting their credentials. Some others that would have tried to give the ruling party a run for their money have been infiltrated by who else but PDP.

Enough of the digression, the fire is a warning to PDP to buckle up and find a solution to the myriad of problems they’ve created since 1999; the ones their elder brother, NPN, created way back in the second republic or risk getting judged by fire.

That fire is a warning to all: If a portion of the Secretariat of the ruling party could surrender to fire, the entire Secretariat, the party, members, all other political parties and their members and indeed our democracy might be at the mercy of the fire come 2011, if we do not do what must be done.

You’re asking me what must be done? You and I know. Let’s do it!

LIES, LIARS AND 'TURNING THE BIBLE'

LIES, LIARS AND BIBLE TURNING

Whatever it is that is interesting this guy that’s trying to snoop on what I’m writing. The exact thing going on now is the music playing in my ears – the cacophony of voices in my office. Three unwanted guests who have come from the other office of my unit in my present place of work, who have come to do nothing but dissect everyone in their office. Be sure they’ll talk about me and the other folks who work together in my office here when they get to their office.

While on my way to work some days ago, I remembered the old way of detecting lies and liars while we grew up on the dusty streets of an area in Ibadan. I was actually in thoughts as regards some issues and I was trying to get a way to detect if the person was lying.

The first thing that came to mind was the Confessor powers as depicted in the ‘Legend of the Seeker’ series. Since I had none of that, I tried to task my brain into finding a way round the ‘lie and truth’ thing.

Whatever it was back in those days, we always wanted to gist one another about what happened in our respective schools. Some of us were very lucky to go to the ajebo schools where everyone posed in their cars when coming to school while our other folks were lucky to trek their way to their agboole(local) primary schools. We were actually lucky to be in a blend, semi-ajebo and semi-ajepako which I’ll coin as ajeboko. The word ajebo came from ajebutter (someone who’s not strong because he grew up eating butter) while an ajepako was someone who grew up eating the strong, starchy and heavy foods like eba, fufu and the likes.

In the process of gisting one another about our different world schools, one or two lies escaped our mouths to make the gists sound a bit more pleasing to the ears. Who would’ve thought an innocent lad or lass would lie but we all had no one to teach us the art and act. Lying is in-born for all humans you know.

God help you if your regular antagonists were present while you exaggerated. They’ll kick against you and their leader would look for ways to discredit whatever you were saying. They’ll ask you series of questions all in a bid to drag you down.

You could be the big time exaggerator and have ready-made answers but still not convince them because they never want the other folks to believe you. They just want to prove that you’re not saying the truth.

The ‘rebel leader’ then sets his machinery in motion to discredit whatever it was that you said happened in your school that day. He talks some of his ‘followers’ into supporting his point of view, and they deliberate on the best way to bring you down. Your friends fight back because they like your way of gisting and don’t like the ‘rebel leader’ because he never sees anything good in what anybody except him says. Voices are raised on both sides with abuses, yabis and the likes of it flying around. If the situation is not well managed, a free-for-all may ensue.

In the interest of peace, someone comes on the scene and initiates a process of reconciliation via dialogue. Both sides then reach a compromise by agreeing to ‘turn the Bible’ to detect the liar.

Back then, we saw that Bible turning procedure as very efficacious, proven, tested and trusted. I personally had my misgivings and reservations though. I was labeled ‘too soft and understanding’ but it didn’t change my stand anyway, because I believed in the margin of error and the human failing. I also knew people had a way of manipulating the Bible to turn against people.

Once it was agreed upon as the authentic lie detecting technique, everyone rushed to get the ‘ingredients’ for the Bible turning which included a key, a red rope (possibly to make it scary) and of course, the Bible which is the primary ingredient. The camp of the ‘enemy’ would be the major supplier of the ingredients. Some would go as far as ‘breaking into’ their father’s room to carry his Big Bible (because the old man was yet to come back from work). Others would go and steal the red rope/twine from their mother’s store and the rest would donate the key, which was removed from the big bunch that carries all of their family’s keys.

I must note that only the Bible gets home safe and sound in most cases. The key and twine gets lost and at the end of that day, the suppliers are in trouble in their houses.

The process of lie detection then starts with hearts in mouths. Someone who is perceived neutral is consulted to carry out the ‘ritual’. The twine is tied round the Bible which is then suspended by holding the key.

“What did he say?” asks the ‘ritual conductor’ in a harsh tone, conveying a mock seriousness, to which several voices are raised trying to say what the ‘liar’ has told them all. “He said his best friend in school is the son of the Governor’s brother”, the enemies eventually chorus with a wicked grin on their faces.

The ‘ritualist’ then suspends the Bible and says “If the son of the Governor’s brother is this boy’s best friend in school, let the Bible not turn but if it is otherwise, let this Bible turn”. Everyone then waits with baited breath to see what will happen.

Either the Bible turns or not, there is bound to be shouts and a bit of scuffle after the process has been completed for the vindicated side angrily raises their finger at the accusing side.

It gets so terrible if ‘Bible turning’ has to be applied when something is missing. Suspects and scapegoats are picked randomly. If you are unlucky and those who don’t like your face are among those picking the suspects, you’ll definitely be among them. The Bible is turned against the ‘thieves’ and the person who is loathed the most emerges ‘the thief’.

Most folks were so optimistic that the Bible turning produced the thief in those days. I always believed the guy who is accused of being the thief is someone nearly all the ‘power brokers’ don’t like. I almost got convinced once however.

While playing set, a guy shouted that his eyin alangba (a sweet which we called lizard’s egg) was missing. The ‘accused’ looked like a good guy who would do nothing of such and vehemently denied the allegation. The Bible was turned against him and he was found to be the culprit. Slaps and blows came from different angles but the guy refused to admit stealing, he claimed to have also purchased his own eyin alangba. The ‘enemies’ asked him which colour it was and that was where he got into trouble. He claimed to have bought a green coloured one but when he was searched, two different colours were found on him – the green which he supposedly bought and of course, a pink one. That brought about another round of slaps, blows and kicks and the thief was taken to the elders for judgment. My friends took a swipe at the ‘unbelieving lot’, of which I was one, casting aspersions on us for being too trusting.

I was a bit convinced until another incident happened and the Bible turning ritual chose an innocent man. It eventually turned out some days later that the culprit was the particular guy that turned the Bible. I there and then lost the little belief I had in the Bible turning ritual.

‘Bible turning’ broke many hearts back then and effectively cut some future bullies to size once and for all. I remember one Wale guy who was so obsessed with ‘Bible turning’ that he always came to our ‘Emirates Stadium’, where we played our 4-a side football matches (we called it ‘set’) with all ‘Bible turning’ apparatus to detect if a goal was valid or not and whether it was ‘high ball’ or ‘foul’ or not.

He once fell foul of his ‘Bible turning’ and to make matters worse, it was the ‘air’ that turned the Bible that day. Most of us knew he was not wrong but because he was always the antagonist, everyone was happy that the Bible ‘turned against him’ for once. God, I laughed my head off that sunny afternoon.

The funniest part was that while we turned the Bible all day, we neglected our assignments and got whooped in school the next day. But will children ever learn? We’ll come back and repeat the procedure the next afternoon.